parenting

Love Is…

CHS Birthday Bonus Pack Every year for the last couple of years I have posted visions of black love for Valentine’s Day. While this year I sure missed collecting all those photos and hearing the stories behind those photos, I wanted to take a different look at love, I wanted to explore the love languages and how they apply to your life as a parental figure. So journey with me down this lane of love!

Act of Service

It’s imperative we show our children love. Treating them with respect, helping with homework, watching Moana with them for the millionth time, these are acts of love and acts of service. I know that we as parents can get busy, we don’t have time to use the restroom, let alone sit still and watch YouTube videos or make slime, but it’s important that we make time. It’s our responsibility to organize ourselves in such a way that we can be of service to our children. We must be an example of this type of love so that they not only experience it but can give it back to us and others as well. Take the time to figure out what acts of service your child is longing to have you participate in and then create the time and space to do said acts.

Quality Time

I think Acts of Service and Quality Time can cross over sometimes. Kids want us to be present in their lives. Whether it’s a school play, basketball game, a stunt you just have to come outside to see, they want us to spend the time recognizing them. Again, time is sometimes limited, there’s work, house work, social lives (yes parents we can have social lives), how do you create time for quality time with your children?! I thought that this quality time had to designated, special so I had to schedule it, what I learned is that my kids appreciate anytime we spend together as long as I making the effort to acknowledge them. Putting away groceries, sorting laundry, full concert in the car no matter where we are going, these are all moments I enjoy spending time with my kids and they enjoy with me. Quality time is what you make it, it’s up to you to make the effort to share time and be present.

Words of Affirmation

“I love you!” Three simple words, yet can be so hard for people to express, even parents. Our kids need to know how we feel about them, we need to speak it into them. Pouring words of encouragement into our children help to combat what they might be hearing from the outside world. You are beautiful vs. You need to lose weight, You are loved vs. Nobody likes you, You are intelligent vs. You are stupid, we lay the foundation for opening their minds, eyes, hearts, and ears to accept words that they hear about themselves. Actions and words work together to let our kids know how we feel about them. It’s up to us as parents to make every effort to show and speak love into them on a daily basis.

Receiving Gifts

Who doesn’t like to receive a gift?! Now some may say this is teaching kids to be materialistic, but it can also be an expression of love. I know for me personally I pay attention to things my kids like that will help them be creative. Symone loves to cook so I might pick up some jazzy spices for her, Jamiel loves sports so a new pair of cleats may do the trick, and Anissa LOVES designing for her baby dolls so finding some material on clearance works out. Whatever gift you decide to give your children, let it be from your heart. Children are more perceptive than we think, they can tell a guilt gift over one you put some thought into for them. So give the gift of love and pay attention to who your child is becoming and how you can encourage them to be the best version of themselves through gifting.

Physical Touch

I have to admit this is on the lower end of my personal love language so I have to work at it. Yes this extrovert will shy away from physical contact. I have never had this issue however with my children. I love hugging them. Hugging has become the way we greet each other on a daily. One of the brightest moments of my day is when I’m making dinner and my son, who has gained some height, enters the kitchen to bend down and hug me. It means just as much to me as it does to him. Although they are not as often as they use to be Anissa’s Eskimo kisses are always welcome. Even the oldest one comes by with her arms outreached. There has always been something about a hug with me, it’s squeezing a person and allowing their weight to fall into you, almost as it for that embrace all their cares have been dropped off and they or you can be weak, I think this is why I’m careful as to who I hug. My arms are a safe place for my children, I want them to know and feel it whenever we touch. HUGS TO MY BABIES!!!

Our children need our love! Home should be the first place they experience love. No matter the parental role you play please note that determining how the child in your life best receives love is important. Make every effort possible to support their love language.

How do you show the children in your life love? Do you wish as a child you would’ve been shown love in a certain way?

To hear more about Love Is…Tune into The Parental Guidance podcast, episode 5.

parenting

Planting the Seed of Love!

img_3651Transparent moment: I am totally freaking out! Anissa has been showing signs of no longer being my cuddle buddy, those Eskimo kisses have decreased, and when I say give me some suga she’s started to give me this look. We’ve reached that space when your baby starts to transform into some little independent kid that only wants to be bothered with you on occasion. I knew this day was coming, it started when she lost two teeth at once and her face began to change. No longer that chubby little baby face it now has some definition where there was once just big jaws. I began to embrace and start to cope with the fact that the last of the tribe was growing up. SIGH!

I know I’m not alone in this, I know there are other parents out there who notice when this begins to happen and I wonder how they feel. I think this time around it’s taking a greater toll on me as Anissa is the final chapter for me when it comes to giving birth to another child (don’t try to convince me otherwise). As I sit here and write this I’m a little teary eyed and then it happens… Anissa enters the room and gives me a kiss good night and once again I know what they baby love feels like. SMILE!

What I don’t realize a lot of the time is that I’ve planted a seed of love with each of my children. Although they will grow up and move away they always manage to show me an immense amount of love. While I love those snuggles, and Eskimo kisses as they grow up our love for each other has evolved into amazing awesome relationships where we can talk to each other about anything. Symone (21) checks in at home on a slightly regular basis, but never forgets to tell me she loves me, she always says it first, Jamiel (15) randomly walks up to me grabs me by my head (he’s officially taller than me now) to kiss my forehead, and Anissa (6) we’re still working out her thing, but until we do I appreciate the practice of the random hugs, the bringing of random snacks to me before bed, and how she grabs for my hand whenever we enter a room together (she’s my protection). Parents despite the disagreements, changing attitudes, and the growth of independence if you have genuinely shown your kids what it to love each other as a family you will never lose that feeling of the first time you two meant and fell in love.

So here we go hotties embracing this new love once again. I’m going to enjoy every moment of all parts of all three lives. I’ll continue to love on each of them and allow their love for me to grow as well.

How do you and your family show love? Are you in the midst of a love changing situation with your children? Start the discussion and get some suga while you’re at it!

To hear more tune into episode 4 of The Parental Guidance podcast Planting Seeds of Love.

parenting

Fairytales Come In Color, BLACK LOVE!

Happy Valentine’s Day! Every year I feature couples that represent Black Love, I’ve witnessed some amazing love stories. I could do a whole series on Black History Facts, but I elect to feature Black Love because frankly, I don’t see enough of it celebrated. There are strong marriages in our communities, their are relationships that have and are still withstanding the test of time. I want my children to see people that look like them in love. I want to give hope to my people that love is still possible and here it is. So enjoy the view, I know I am!

 


veranda and hubby

Baby while we’re young we should just have fun, We should just do whatever we want
And tell everyone that we fell in love with each other, Ooh, that we found the one in one another
While We’re Young, Jhene Aiko

 

 

 

 

 

Altidor

This is not a coincidence
And far more than a lucky chance, But what is that was always meant, Is our ribbon in the sky for our love, love
Ribbon In The Sky- Steven Wonder

 

 

 

cox 1

When all the folks were said and done
You were there to welcome me home
I was convicted cause your love never wavered, I know you love me more than me
And you vowed to love through anything
I never had a kind of love that was forever
Her Heart- Anthony Hamilton

 

vaughns 1


I wanna pull her close to me,
And whisper sweet things in her ear
‘Cause tonight I’m full of fire, baby, And you’re the only one my heart desires
Slow Dance (Hey Mr. DJ)- R. Kelly & Public Announcement

 

 

 

carrolls 1
Here and now

I promise to love faithfully
You’re all I need
Here and now
I vow to be one with thee
Your love is all I need
Here & Now- Luther Vandros

 

 

 

 

IMG_5001[1]

 

I always wanted someone just like you, I really need to hold on, hold you, I’d give the world baby, to you, my darlin’, You know I will
I’ll Give All My Love To You- Keith Sweat

 

 

keisha

 

I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ about you tonight
And all that you mean to me
I used to think I would never fall in love again
I guess I was wrong
Love Calls- Kem


 

 

 

clemonsGirl, you know there ain’t nothin’
I won’t do for you
And baby, don’t, don’t ever
Doubt my love ’cause it’s true
Baby Hold On To Me- Gerald Levert

 

 

 

 

robinsons
When I’m with you, I wonder why

People do stop and stare and smile at us
When I’m with you, the sun shines my way, Baby, our love reflects its rays of light on everyone in the world
With You- Tony Terry

 

teressa and marlon
Fortunate to have you girl,
I’m so glad you’re in my world, Just as sure as the sky is blue
I bless the day that I found you
Fortunate- Maxwell

 

 

 

 

mimi cutelips

The closer I get to you
The more you make me see
By giving me all you’ve got (tell me more)
Your love has captured me
The Closer I Get To You- Beyonce & Luther Vandros

 

 

 

 

deb and hubby
People fall in love in mysterious ways

Maybe just the touch of a hand
Well me, I fall in love with you every single day, I just wanna tell you I am
Thinking Out Loud- Ed Sheeran

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

IMG_5048[1]
I’m so addicted to her she’s the sweetest drug,
Just enough
Still too much say that I’m simp and I’m sprung all of the above, I can’t help she makes me say (Oh oh oh), And I just can’t think (of anything else I’d rather do)
Than to hear you sing (sing my name the way you do)
When we do our thing (when we do the things we do)
Oh, babygirl you make me say (Oh oh oh)
Sexy Love- Ne-yo

 

kiesha

 

I am in love with you
You set me free baby
I can’t do this thing
Called life without you here with me
Cause I’m Dangerously In Love with you
I’ll never leave
Just keep lovin’ me
The way I love you loving me
Dangerously in Love- Beyonce

mcrary

 

 

 

Cherish the day
I won’t go astray
I won’t be afraid
You won’t catch me running
You’re ruling the way that I move
You take my air
You show me how deep love can be
Cherish The Day- Sade

 

 

 

 

 

 

vaughns 2

(Long as I live) Long as I live
You will be (my first love)
Baby, you and only
Long as I live (long as I live)
You will be my first love
And I’ll choose you again
My First Love- Avant feat. Keke Wyatt

 

 

 

 

 
cox 2


Tender love, love so tender

Pulling me close to you, baby, I surrender
Candles they light the dark
Now I see how lovely the feelings are
All the tender love you’ve given to me
Tender Love- Force MD’s

 

 

Carroll's 2
Walks by me everyday

Her and love are the same
The woman that’s stolen my heart
And beauty is her name
Beauty-Dru Hill

 

 
blaney

 

 

 

 

 

See, I don’t need no alcohol
Your love makes me feel ten feet tall
Without it I’d go through withdrawal
Cause nothing even matters, at all
Nothing Even Matters- Lauryn Hill

 

 

 

 


cox 3

And I swear by the moon
And the stars in the sky I’ll be there
I swear like the shadow that’s by your side
I’ll be there for better or worse
Till death do us part
I’ll love you with every beat of my heart, And I swear
I Swear- All-4-One

 

vaughns 3
All I want to do right now is love her down (Ooh)

I don’t give a damn about who hears the sound (Ooh…)
We’ll be in the groove until the sun comes up (Yeah)
Together we’ll get lost inside the love
The Love Scene- Joe

 

 

 

 

 

 

teressa and marlon 2
When I see your face

There’s not a thing that I would change
Cause you’re amazing just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for a while
Cause, girl, you’re amazing just the way you are
Just The Way You Are- Bruno Mars

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Carroll's 3
It feels so good when I’m with you

Pure ecstasy
It’s just the little things that you do
That makes me want to be right there
When you need
Someone to love
Someone To Love- Mint Condition

 

 

 

daniel

Cause there’s no one in the world to hold me
No one in the world’s gonna move me
No one in the world can love me
Like you do, baby
No One In The World- Anita Baker

 

kiesha 2Love, So many people use your name in vain
Love, Those who faith in you sometimes go astray
Love, Through all the ups and downs the joy and hurt
Love, For better or worse I still will choose you first
Love- Musiq Soul Child

 

IMG_5072[1]

 

Your love is a one in a million, It goes on and on and on, You give me a really good feeling all day long. Your love is a one in a million
It goes on and on and on, You give me a really good feeling all day long.
One In A Million- Aaliyah

Miller
Like the sweet morning dew, I took one look at you

And it was plain to see, you were my destiny
With arms open wide, I threw away my pride
I’ll sacrifice for you, dedicate my life to you
You’re All I Need To Get By- Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell

 

 

 

Nothing has ever felt like this
Nothing has ever meant the whole world to me
Nothing has ever been this good
And nothing has ever been this right
Nothing so sweet
In my life
Nothing Has Ever Felt Like This- Rachelle Ferrell & Will Downing