Stay ready you don’t have to get ready! I hear that a lot and as a mom I tend to overthink, over prepare, under prepare, whatever it is sometimes I just need a moment to breathe! Now before you go and say why become a mother anyway, DO NOT GO THERE…Before I was a mom and still to this day I am human. In thinking that there are other moms out there like me, that need a moment, this weekend I decided to host my first “Mommy Needs A Moment” event. I invited mothers from all walks of life to join me for an evening of enjoying themselves, no strings attached, just come as you are and take a moment. There was food, music, drinks, and laughs a whole lot of laughs!
The thought behind hosting this was that we as moms often forget to take moments to ourselves, we don’t feel deserving of moments, or we feel ashamed for taking a moment. I shared with the moms my journey in learning to take time for myself, holding myself accountable for doing so, and teaching my children to take their own moments. We then went around the table and the moms shared why they did or did not take time for themselves and what they did or didn’t do during this time.
I believe my purpose in life is to help moms, encourage them, empower them to be the best version of themselves. There’s a lot of pressure in this world to be perfect in everything we do. We fall short every day and who are others to judge or shame us for doing so. Just One Hot Mom has always been a safe space for me to write about my motherhood journey, to admit my flaws, share some laughs and lessons. Sometimes all it takes it a moment to get ourselves together, to become grounded, to recognize we need help. Sometimes even more we need someone to tell us that it’s okay to do so. “Mommy Needs A Moment” is a movement for moms by this mom. This is the start of a realization that we can be our best selves if we just step back and take some time.
If you would like to bring “Mommy Needs A Moment” to your city I am ready to hit the road. This experience does not just happen then leave you once the night is over, there is a 15 day journal that you can utilize after the event to help you start taking your moments or enjoying your moments. To connect send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject “Mommy Needs A Moment” or call 216.220.7223.
I look forward to many more moments with each of you.
Dear Parental Units, WE MADE IT!!! Pat yourself on the back, high-five other parents, breathe! Summer vacation is over and we can get back to our regularly scheduled school year program. Now you may think who wants summer vacation to be over…When summer vacation started I was excited to spend time with my children, as the weeks went on and we became not so loving with each other I began to dream of the day my children would go back to school. Judge if you must it’s my opinion and my parenting journey!
Here’s the list in reverse…
10. They are boring me! I had a plan for summertime fun, I was excited to be able to conquer the list with both my children, they had plans of their own, which means my list was basically voided. I got bored and it’s their fault!
9. I’m boring them! Apparently what I consider summertime fun is not as fun as I thought it would be. Apparently I can be a little boring! Where in the h-e-double hockey sticks did they get that from? I’m F-U-N!
8. Wi-Fi usage will return to normal! I thought we had unlimited Wi-Fi…guess not! At least three times this summer I received notification from our provider that we had excessive Wi-Fi usage. What’s excessive?! Any who, that excessive usage required more coins from mommy’s piggy bank. Returning to school will hopefully allow me to add some coins back to said piggy bank.
7. I will be on time for work. During the summer break I believe in breaking! Taking a break from our normal schedule which means I slept in or at least past the first 10 snooze button hits. Since school is in session and those little people of mine have to be on time, I too will be on time.
6. My leftovers from the night before will be there when I get home! I know I’m not alone with this. You take the family out to eat and bring home your leftovers for lunch, but you forget it in the fridge when you leave for work in the morning. No worries, it will be there when you get home…LIES! It will not be there because summertime fun includes your kids eating your leftovers. NO MORE, back to school means I have a fighting chance to enjoy my leftovers.
5. I can take a nap! Some days I need to leave work and come home to get my life in order. I am the QUEEN of the 10 minute nap. I set my timer, drift off, awake and I’m ready for the second half of the day. When the kids are home there is no 10 minute nap. Despite that my children know about the 10 minute nap in those 10 minutes they manage to ask every question known to man. I’m taking a 10 minute nap as soon as I’m done writing this post!!! VICTORY IS MINE!
4. This one is for Sparky, our dog! He can now roam the house freely without someone trying to get him to do tricks! All day long trying to get him to flip, rollover, fetch, it has to be exhausting for the little guy. I can see him home now dragging the pillows from some room in the house building a fort and chilling in a nice quiet house!
3. Anissa is excited because there are more girls to play with. I guess the dolls and I just aren’t enough. She doesn’t appreciate us (me and the dolls) sitting through her entire lesson plans this summer, getting sent to the principal’s office (Sparky), and having play-doh lunches. (Le sigh)
2. My BILLS are about to regulate! Personally I love sun light and cool breezes. On days when it’s not too hot outside I love opening a door and feeling that breeze and letting the natural light into our home. My children on the other hand will turn on EVERY light in the house. EVERY LIGHT and not even be in that particular room, then they will turn on every air conditioner or fan they can find, while wearing layered sweats around the house. I am truly looking forward to the day I can go to their homes and turn on all the lights and leave the refrigerator door open.
MY GROCERY BILL!!! This summer I have spent a billion dollars on groceries! Okay I’m exaggerating, but it feels like a billion. If you’ve been with me for a while you know I am a huge fan of Instacart and grocery pick-up. I am now on a first name bases with the delivery drivers and grocery workers. I see them more than I see my children. My grocery receipts are long enough to make my fall wardrobe.
I hope you enjoyed my list, it’s real and its jokes. I’m excited for my children to start this journey and for them to tackle this school year and be victorious. I enjoy watching them on their journey while I continue on mine. What are your back to school traditions? Share them with us in the comments.
SPOILER ALERT! If you watch “This Is Us” and you are not caught up on all episodes, STOP right here. There will definitely be a few revealing things referenced here. Let’s get into this. In the last few episodes before break we see Beth and Randall in their relationship, we get how they met, how life has been since they met and then up to this point with all the arguing they have been doing recently. This note right here is about our BFF Beth and how she has compromised her entire relationship with Randall and she is finally all out of compromise. In a heated argument she says they have been having the same argument their entire relationship and she chose to be the bigger person and cater to him. WOW, can you image always being the person to give in, to never really feel heard but to keep the peace you just go with the flow. I know too many women who feel this way. We tend to just want to make everything great for everyone else and we never consider how that will make us feel. Then one day like lava building in a volcano we explode and whoever is in the area of that flame better just watch out. How dare they not realize all the sacrifices we have made for them, canceled plans, missed out wine time, hair that looks crazy, but at least little Johnny had cupcakes for his class that he told me about at midnight. We can be real life super heroes sometimes. As I watch Beth have her moment I realize there is someone to blame and it’s not Randall or the kids, or all of the other people she put before herself, the only person to blame is Beth. So guess who I’m going to blame for your identity crisis???? You got it, YOU!
Don’t roll your eyes sista! Come on in the upper room, grab your tea cup and allow me to pour. Have you ever just looked at yourself in the mirror and described who you are? Not just the wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, co-worker, but who you really are. We get so caught up in the role we play in other people’s lives we tend to forget to show up in our own. We tell ourselves that someday we will but someday never manages to come and then like Beth one day we just cut loose like a tornado destroying whatever is in it’s path. We feel justified in letting loose because we held back so long, this moment was inevitable, right?! Wrong! We owe it to ourselves to be true to who we are, we owe it to ourselves to demand time for ourselves, we owe it to ourselves to heal, to laugh, to say no, and to just be. We forget that we have to show up for us! Instead of doing that we play roles in the lives of those around us and I’m sure sometimes it’s roles we are happy to play. When we overextend ourselves and we cater to others needs without thinking about how it will impact who we are, we lose ourselves. This right here is the greatest form of Identity Theft!
Guess what? You can reclaim who you are. You may have lost your way from you for a moment, but you have the road map back to who you were or who you want to become. It always amazes me that I can carry the tools to make Nanekia the best version of herself. It is my divine destiny to walk this life fulfilling my purpose and you are to do the same! We don’t have to keep playing roles we don’t want to play. We can rewrite the script and allow for us to lovingly, actively pursue our greatest purpose. Right now look in the mirror and say I’m coming for you, I’m claiming joy in your life, I love you! Now, I’ll be honest when you start to show up for you some people will get mad, they will not be use to this new found love you have for you, they won’t recognize you. That’s okay because you may not recognize you but you will learn and so will they.
How do we cope with identity theft? Well, just like the bank tells us, stop access to all of your funds, stop all the access to you. Do not give yourself so freely to others if you cannot afford too. If you cannot afford to put energy or effort into a situation then don’t. Now I can hear some mom or wife, “my family comes first”…I get that, but if you are not right with you how will you be of any service to them. Think about if you have ever flown what does the safety video tell you?! I’ll wait…SECURE YOURSELF FIRST! There is a reason for this, if you try to help someone else first and they don’t know how to help you, you risk losing consciousness and not being secured at all. If you take the time to secure you first you can help those around you and who knows the number of lives you might save. Secondly determine what you do and don’t like. Personally I’ve spent enough time doing things I did not enjoy for people all because I wanted to be considered loyal, a good person, worthy of them. Listen (read) carefully, you are worthy even if they never acknowledge your worthiness. You do not have to live a joyless life, in joyless moments. Be honest with your people, I don’t like baseball honey, I like spending time with you but I hate baseball, Johnny you should have told Mommy you needed cupcakes earlier, it’s midnight and the stores are closed, I would love to babysit for you, but this is my only day off and I need to be with me. You not only teach people how to treat you, but you teach yourself how to treat you. Know your worth and don’t be afraid to flex it!
Do you feel like you have lost yourself? Do you feel like life is overwhelming and you may never figure out who you are? My friend I bring you good news, you can begin right now with the decision you make for yourself today to reclaim who you are! You have the power to tell a different story where we see you happy and healthy loving you and those around you. Reclaiming your identity starts with you! How are you going to do it?
If you’d like to hear more on this topic tune in to the Just One Hot Mom Maternal Self-Care podcast, “Identity Thief” Episode 3. Don’t forget to Like, Share, & Subscribe!