Here are a few of my favorite guest and podcast episodes from the last year. I appreciate all my guest giving me the opportunity to share their story. Tune in! Click the links!
As my son sits on the couch I’m not sure what to say. There are so many things I need to tell him. I need him to understand that this talk we are about to have is one that will save his life. I need him to know that he needs to take me seriously, he needs to absorb this information like a sponge and carry it with him every where he goes. I’m about to have “The Talk!” with my son.
As parents we will have plenty of talks with our children. There is a talk for just about everything they go through, as their parent we have to become the expert to introduce them to the information they need. This past week Black-ish and Grey’s Anatomy brought to light “The Talk” African-American parents have had to give there children since birth. “The Talk” brings to light how African American young men are viewed by society/police and as of late we’ve had to begin giving this same conversation to our daughters. It’s a sad but true fact police brutality is alive and well in our community. “The Talk” is real in our homes, it’s not something we joke about, it’s not something that we are being dramatic about, the fact is just like parents in other cultures we want our kids to go out into the world and be the best them they can be and we want them to come back home and tell of their adventures and how they plan to conquer the world and achieve their goals. All too often though African American children/adults are not making it home to tell these stories. Between street violence and police brutality we are losing more of us with each passing day.
Now some will say that we kill each other everyday, this would not be a lie. Street violence has and still is running rampant in our communities. Due to poverty, lack of parental supervision, generational gaps, our communities have been plagued by violence. We give this talk to our children as well. The difference between street violence and police brutality is that the police take an oath to protect and serve, that oath of protecting and serving does not say I have be a specific ethnicity, it’s suppose to cover us all. BUT IT DOES NOT! Lack of training, racism, lack of African Americans taking the police exam, contribute to our children not making it home to tell their stories. It’s disheartening that this is still a talk I have to give and unless things change drastically I will have to give this talk to my youngest daughter as well.
My talk- 1. Listen to each of their commands and follow them, 2. Answer questions that are asked about your biographical information, questions beyond that ask them to call your parent. DO NOT TALK TO THEM WITHOUT ME, 3. If you need to move tell them what you are doing with each motion, let them know what you are about to touch and why, 4. DO NOT SPEAK WITH ANGER, 5. In the silence of your mind say a prayer and ask God to help you make it home safely.
This may seem like common sense, but just imagine as a child having someone point a gun at you, asking you questions, accusing you, maybe even threatening you, would you know what to do? I’m not looking for sympathy, I’m looking for people to wake up and realize that we are not equal and until we address these issues in our communities we will never be equal. My hope is to spark conversation about how we can change so that this talk becomes unnecessary. Until then leave in the comments how you have handled talks in your family.
(Grey’s Anatomy- S14 E10 Personal Jesus, Black-ish- S4E12 Bow Knows)
I want to share a few of my favorite posts from the past 6 months. There are so many, but here are my top 5, please enjoy.
Last week I was exhausted. There was so much to do and so little time. Normally I try to get things done before everyone gets home or early in the morning before they wake up. This is my time to clean and kind of release some stress. Wednesday night while others were sleeping, what I would normally do to relieve some stress from my morning routine was taken to a whole different level when I discovered someone was MISSING! I searched the entire house, no Symone (oldest hot kid). I knew she had been working but it was getting late and she should have come home by now. I am a worry wart, I can’t help it, it’s one of the reason I limit my news intake. No matter how much I pray or do others things not to worry, it’s a natural instinct when something is out of sorts with one of my children, I have a need to freak out! I called her, no answer, I text, no response, I call again and again, still no response. Stress level is on 100 now. What next? I call on the village. We jump into action to locate my poor baby, who could be laying in a ditch, calling out for her mama, and I can’t find her. Okay, that’s a bit dramatic, but you get my drift. I was in panic mode. Where could she be?! Time passes and I get a text, “Mom I fell asleep, I am at so and so house, its cool.” I can’t describe the level of pissed off I was so I’ll continue in a moment below…
(5 minute break)
I’m calm, I can continue. I was so happy she was safe. But, because I watch too much The First 48, I had to call so that I could hear if her voice sounded stressed. It did not, as a matter of fact it sounded like she was annoyed, with me. Could my sweet angel really be trying me? Yeah, I think she was. I went into straight mom check that attitude mode. I ran down the statistics of missing and exploited youth, I gave the speech about how she lived under my roof, I went in for the kill with you grown but you ain’t that grown. I had an arsenal of speeches and statistics ready to combat anything she could try to say. Her response, “Mom, you raised me right!” Well people there you have it, I raised her right, she is the perfect adult, no flaws, and she can ride off into the sunset and live her life. BULLSHIT! (Forgive the language)
I am new to this parenting an “adult” situation. I just really got use to her being my kid and now she gets to use the adult card on me. I think not, or so I thought not. Although in the eyes of the government, her friends, and few others, she is an adult, but she’s still my child, someone I still have things to teach, someone I feel the need to protect, someone who still needs me. How do you know you raised them right? If I raised her right, where was my phone call?! What is a mom to do? I took a cue from The Huxtables. She is correct she is an adult (19 tomorrow), an adult who lives with her mom, but still wants to have adult freedom. I want to help her embrace that adult freedom, I want to make it real for her so that she can embrace her adulthood. I am proud to say that my adult child will be signing her first lease agreement on her 19th birthday, contracted by her mom. I know I raised her right, I don’t need her to verify that for me. I’m not done raising her right, but now I have to find alternative ways to get the lessons she needs to learn across to her. What better way to learn the true nature of being an adult, than having to pay bills?! So, Happy Birthday My Love, rent is due on the 1st!
Parents, have you found that some of your parent’s methods of parenting are not working for this generation? What alternative ways of parenting have you come up with? I’ve got two more to go, help.
Happy Birthday Symone! Welcome to the “Guilt Trip” love you!
So a few weeks back I talked about being guilty of mom shaming, GUILTY! We as moms can feel guilty about a lot of things, no sense in having another mom make us feel guilty about those things as well. As I thought about the times I’ve felt guilty or made someone else feel guilty, I was called upon by another mom asking me for assistance. This set me up to experience another form of guilt and one I am sure is shared by others, the guilt of helping.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I am a Single Mom Here, Hear me ROAR, so I am always down to help another mom out, single or not. I get it we all need assistance and who better to assist than another mom you trust. We live in a society which constantly has a stressing over who we can and cannot trust to assist us with our children, we are all busy, and it truly takes a village to raise a child. The village has become a vital part in child rearing these days. If you unfortunately don’t have a village, then it’s time for you to broaden your horizons or re-connect with family. Despite us Super Moms always being able to do it on our own, it is a proven fact that at some point we all need assistance, therefore you need to form a village (look for tips on how to secure your village coming soon). The village is the foundation you need to get assistance when and if you need it. I am a part of multiple villages and thus understand the importance of being available when needed and having access to the help when I need it. Remember it is okay to ask for help, but let me go on to the guilty part.
The issue I am having is when one person in the village takes advantage of the village. I knew a mom who needed a sitter often, like every night because her shift changed at work, she called, and I was available that night, boom I can assist. The next night, there was supposed to be a sitter in place but something happened, it was an emergency, again, not a problem I was available so I assisted. A day later (I can’t make this up), I received a call, didn’t recognize the number and I’m never afraid to answer a call so I did, this time it was someone else contacting me on behalf of the person asking me if I could get the children. Note: If you are asking someone for a favor, at least have the courtesy to ask them yourselves. Me, not wanting to leave someone stranded agreed to help once again. This went on for about a month, random calls for assistance. Finally I had, had enough, I needed a moment. My children were with their grandparents, I was home alone for the first time in months. My plan was to take a nap, read, dance in my undies, drink some wine, and take another nap, whatever, it did not involve children, mine were not even at home. My phone rings, I recognized the number so I answered. Yet another emergency, nobody else was available and since the person had asked what I was doing at the start of the conversation, she knew that my agenda was open. My answer…NO! Then came the guilt, how could I not help her, I wasn’t busy, she was in a bind, what type of person doesn’t help someone in need?! I felt so bad. She was right, I knew her issues and that she needed help. Then reality slapped me in the face! I needed help too. I needed this moment to self-care, to relax, to breathe, before my own motherly duties came into play again. Still she could not understand my rejection. I stood my ground and was able to enjoy myself and get some much needed rest.
Moms we must remember that not only do we need rest, but the people who help us need rest too. Our needs are just that, OUR NEEDS. Be grateful when others step in to assist and be mindful of the things they may have going on. I have a full plate, but will make room when I can to help others, but if my plate is about to spill over, I have to adjust which mean I may not be able fit you in. Don’t take it as rejection and don’t make the other person feel guilty.