self care

Who Are You?!

SPOILER ALERT! If you watch “This Is Us” and you are not caught up on all episodes, STOP right here. There will definitely be a few revealing things referenced here. Let’s get into this. In the last few episodes before break we see Beth and Randall in their relationship, we get how they met, how life has been since they met and then up to this point with all the arguing they have been doing recently. This note right here is about our BFF Beth and how she has compromised her entire relationship with Randall and she is finally all out of compromise. In a heated argument she says they have been having the same argument their entire relationship and she chose to be the bigger person and cater to him. WOW, can you image always being the person to give in, to never really feel heard but to keep the peace you just go with the flow. I know too many women who feel this way. We tend to just want to make everything great for everyone else and we never consider how that will make us feel. Then one day like lava building in a volcano we explode and whoever is in the area of that flame better just watch out. How dare they not realize all the sacrifices we have made for them, canceled plans, missed out wine time, hair that looks crazy, but at least little Johnny had cupcakes for his class that he told me about at midnight. We can be real life super heroes sometimes. As I watch Beth have her moment I realize there is someone to blame and it’s not Randall or the kids, or all of the other people she put before herself, the only person to blame is Beth. So guess who I’m going to blame for your identity crisis???? You got it, YOU!

Don’t roll your eyes sista! Come on in the upper room, grab your tea cup and allow me to pour. Have you ever just looked at yourself in the mirror and described who you are? Not just the wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, co-worker, but who you really are. We get so caught up in the role we play in other people’s lives we tend to forget to show up in our own. We tell ourselves that someday we will but someday never manages to come and then like Beth one day we just cut loose like a tornado destroying whatever is in it’s path. We feel justified in letting loose because we held back so long, this moment was inevitable, right?! Wrong! We owe it to ourselves to be true to who we are, we owe it to ourselves to demand time for ourselves, we owe it to ourselves to heal, to laugh, to say no, and to just be. We forget that we have to show up for us! Instead of doing that we play roles in the lives of those around us and I’m sure sometimes it’s roles we are happy to play. When we overextend ourselves and we cater to others needs without thinking about how it will impact who we are, we lose ourselves. This right here is the greatest form of Identity Theft!

Guess what? You can reclaim who you are. You may have lost your way from you for a moment, but you have the road map back to who you were or who you want to become. It always amazes me that I can carry the tools to make Nanekia the best version of herself. It is my divine destiny to walk this life fulfilling my purpose and you are to do the same! We don’t have to keep playing roles we don’t want to play. We can rewrite the script and allow for us to lovingly, actively pursue our greatest purpose. Right now look in the mirror and say I’m coming for you, I’m claiming joy in your life, I love you! Now, I’ll be honest when you start to show up for you some people will get mad, they will not be use to this new found love you have for you, they won’t recognize you. That’s okay because you may not recognize you but you will learn and so will they.

How do we cope with identity theft? Well, just like the bank tells us, stop access to all of your funds, stop all the access to you. Do not give yourself so freely to others if you cannot afford too. If you cannot afford to put energy or effort into a situation then don’t. Now I can hear some mom or wife, “my family comes first”…I get that, but if you are not right with you how will you be of any service to them. Think about if you have ever flown what does the safety video tell you?! I’ll wait…SECURE YOURSELF FIRST! There is a reason for this, if you try to help someone else first and they don’t know how to help you, you risk losing consciousness and not being secured at all. If you take the time to secure you first you can help those around you and who knows the number of lives you might save. Secondly determine what you do and don’t like. Personally I’ve spent enough time doing things I did not enjoy for people all because I wanted to be considered loyal, a good person, worthy of them. Listen (read) carefully, you are worthy even if they never acknowledge your worthiness. You do not have to live a joyless life, in joyless moments. Be honest with your people, I don’t like baseball honey, I like spending time with you but I hate baseball, Johnny you should have told Mommy you needed cupcakes earlier, it’s midnight and the stores are closed, I would love to babysit for you, but this is my only day off and I need to be with me. You not only teach people how to treat you, but you teach yourself how to treat you. Know your worth and don’t be afraid to flex it!

Do you feel like you have lost yourself? Do you feel like life is overwhelming and you may never figure out who you are? My friend I bring you good news, you can begin right now with the decision you make for yourself today to reclaim who you are! You have the power to tell a different story where we see you happy and healthy loving you and those around you. Reclaiming your identity starts with you! How are you going to do it?

If you’d like to hear more on this topic tune in to the Just One Hot Mom Maternal Self-Care podcast, “Identity Thief” Episode 3. Don’t forget to Like, Share, & Subscribe!


My 5 Favorite Blogs/Social Media/Podcast! (My best friends in my head!)

createherstock-2018-Boss-Lady-Neosha-Gardner-11Let me start off by saying it was a difficult task putting this list together. There are so many wonderful HOT MAMAS out there doing their thing, these are just a few I feel have helped me in wanting to grow my brand, get my edges and my life together. I hope you go and support them, engage with them, and show love!

If you don’t know who Halani Lobdell is then your waist can’t be snatched or at least not snatched with the flame she can give you. Halani is @Mrs2Weeksout, GO OVER TO INSTAGRAM and be inspired! Initially I followed her because I was interested in the RI28 Days Challenge. I joined and let me tell you, it was not easy, 28 days of discipline, focus, and prayer that my body would transform. I’m happy to say it was all worth it and my weight loss journey was again going in a positive direction. I mean look at her, that body is a HOT MAMA dream, but that’s not the reason I continued to follow her. Halani has an inviting spirit, I didn’t focus so much on looking like her as I used her example of pushing my workouts, enjoying my family and loving one a man (HER HUSBAND IS FINE), to grow me as a person. Her confidence, her glow, her love for those around her attracts you to her. I wanted to know her and you should to. Thank you Halani for being an encourager!

#BWAFGU if you don’t know this hashtag by now, get into it. The dope queen behind this is Stevona Elem-Rogers! I had the pleasure of meeting her in person at a self-care retreat in NOLA! She is my spirit animal. When I think of the revolution not being televised I know it’s because Stevona has put pen to paper and we need to READ those word and FEEL it! She has a magical way of drawing you in and giving you the tools to be your own revolutionary. When I think back on her conversation with this group of women I shared a space with I remember this, I AM A BLACK WOMAN AND I AM NOTHING TO PLAY WITH! I was empowered by every word that dripped from her lips, she snatched wigs fixed it and put it back on so that your crown is a natural hot mama delight! Since this time I can honestly say I have lived unapologetically, remembering I am a black woman, I am grown, and I am a force to be reckoned with. Stevona you inspire so many with your words and actions, thank you for living out loud that we may not apologize for who we are, but instead embrace it and wear it like the jewelry our ancestors intended us to be robed in!

If you don’t know you will know now…I LOVE THERAPY! I believe everyone should have a 6 month therapy check-up if you don’t already have regular sessions scheduled. There’s something about getting the point of view from someone outside your circle that allows you to grow. When I can’t get my therapy I tune into “Therapy For Black Girls” hosted by Dr. Joy Harden Bradford. Now as Dr. Joy would tell you this is no substitution for a session with a licensed therapist, and she provides a way for you to find one. I love this podcast because it’s an inviting space for me to get well and have it formed for how black women think and understand others. You may think “how different is the way a black woman thinks?” If you asked that you will never understand our complexity and therefore let us have our therapy moments. Dr. Joy covers all aspects of our lives and it’s beyond encouraging to know we are not alone in the issues we deal with on a regular basis. For a long time I thought these thoughts are not normal and therapy isn’t for me. But I know now I should not be ashamed for loving my therapist and the time we spend together. Dr. Joy thank you for being a true comfort for allowing a space where black women can seek out the help they need to live empowered lives with our family and friends.

Grab your edge control you’re going to need it ANYTIME you encounter Sarah Jakes Roberts. I have to mentally prepare myself whenever I listen to the podcast Woman Evolve. I know that Sarah is going to bring that fire, that flavor, that heat!!! All that sauce and so much more. Sarah will bring you to the feet of Jesus and continuously remind you why you enjoy being there. Her love of God and her fellow woman is so powerful. She reminds you of who God created you to be and why you need to be uniquely you! I’m reminded that this world is not the final destination but simply a means to an end that is glorious, but that along this journey it won’t be easy, but that’s okay. We all need that friend that will keep it all the way real with you and doing so in love. Sarah your wildness has allowed me to unleash my own beast, to know that God loves me for me and that the more authentic I am the more people will see God in me. Imagine that God being seen in you! AWESOMELY AMAZING!

Are you looking for that person who will CHECK YOU?! The “normal” down to earth person that pops flavor and drips sauce?! Look no futher…Mattie James has come to give you all of that and so much more. I found Mattie James while making my re-branding plan. I was looking for specific women who were doing what I wanted to do, to get to know them and how they became successful. In this blogger game information is key and sometimes people are not willing to share their information. That is not the case with Mattie! She is encouraging, inviting, really real, she has those AHA moments that make you think as well. AND she shares information! She wants you to grow! Mattie is nurturing souls not only with her business savvy but with doing it God’s way. She realizes He is the Plug, He is the business model. It’s truly a blessing to know that there are other women who are not ashamed of their faith or feel their faith will hold back their business. God has the plan and desires for you to have it too. Who would have thought?! Mattie Did!

These women have given me so much to think about, they’ve planted a seed within me to not give up, to remember who I am in God and to not be ashamed. We all need those friends! So go on over and get what you need, I promise you won’t be disappointed. What are some dope peeps you follow that help you live your best life? Drop them in the comments.
formation photo 1