parenting

Planting the Seed of Love!

img_3651Transparent moment: I am totally freaking out! Anissa has been showing signs of no longer being my cuddle buddy, those Eskimo kisses have decreased, and when I say give me some suga she’s started to give me this look. We’ve reached that space when your baby starts to transform into some little independent kid that only wants to be bothered with you on occasion. I knew this day was coming, it started when she lost two teeth at once and her face began to change. No longer that chubby little baby face it now has some definition where there was once just big jaws. I began to embrace and start to cope with the fact that the last of the tribe was growing up. SIGH!

I know I’m not alone in this, I know there are other parents out there who notice when this begins to happen and I wonder how they feel. I think this time around it’s taking a greater toll on me as Anissa is the final chapter for me when it comes to giving birth to another child (don’t try to convince me otherwise). As I sit here and write this I’m a little teary eyed and then it happens… Anissa enters the room and gives me a kiss good night and once again I know what they baby love feels like. SMILE!

What I don’t realize a lot of the time is that I’ve planted a seed of love with each of my children. Although they will grow up and move away they always manage to show me an immense amount of love. While I love those snuggles, and Eskimo kisses as they grow up our love for each other has evolved into amazing awesome relationships where we can talk to each other about anything. Symone (21) checks in at home on a slightly regular basis, but never forgets to tell me she loves me, she always says it first, Jamiel (15) randomly walks up to me grabs me by my head (he’s officially taller than me now) to kiss my forehead, and Anissa (6) we’re still working out her thing, but until we do I appreciate the practice of the random hugs, the bringing of random snacks to me before bed, and how she grabs for my hand whenever we enter a room together (she’s my protection). Parents despite the disagreements, changing attitudes, and the growth of independence if you have genuinely shown your kids what it to love each other as a family you will never lose that feeling of the first time you two meant and fell in love.

So here we go hotties embracing this new love once again. I’m going to enjoy every moment of all parts of all three lives. I’ll continue to love on each of them and allow their love for me to grow as well.

How do you and your family show love? Are you in the midst of a love changing situation with your children? Start the discussion and get some suga while you’re at it!

To hear more tune into episode 4 of The Parental Guidance podcast Planting Seeds of Love.

parenting

Positioning Yourself To Win!!!

positioning yourself to winIt’s the start of a new year!!! Every year we make promises to ourselves to do better, to live our best lives, to prosper more this year then last year.  We are hot and heavy for the first few months and then BOOM, something happens and we get less and less enthusiastic about accomplishing our goals. Why? Why can’t we keep winning all year-long? I’ve discovered the answer to this question. We don’t take the time to position ourselves to win. We have the vision board, we have the calendar, we have the map yet, we forget how to implement the tasks to keep pushing forward. So, how can you keep winning. Check out the steps below:

  1. Preparation is key! What are you trying to accomplish? Setting clear goals for what you want to do may seem easy to do. How you prepare to reach those goals is what will make the difference. Each goal requires a different plan, mapping out these individual plans will help you maximize your vision. You must first set the goal, then create the plan. With plan creation you must list out the step-by-step process, this will keep you on track and hold you accountable.
  2. Do the work! Of course when someone else is doing it, it looks easy, but honestly you don’t know that it’s easy for them. Focus on what you are accomplishing and set your mind to doing the work to achieve your goals. Nothing happens by chance, putting in the work to be successful is a major key in positioning yourself to win.
  3. Realize Rome wasn’t built in a day. Timing is everything. Most of us need to realize that our timeline is very different from those around us. Instant success is very rare! Making it a priority to realize that it may take time to achieve your ultimate goal will help you be successful. Think of your vision like giving birth to a baby (it really is) it takes time for the baby to form, to make connections, to come to the age where the baby is ready for birth, and then once the baby is born there is still more work to do. While you may accomplish one part of the goal there is still time needed to be put into nurturing that goal. All of this takes time. When you come to grips that everything may not happen instantaneously, you will learn how to best utilize your time.
  4. Create time & space. You need to stay focused, but how can you, there’s laundry, school projects, dinner to be made, babies to be changed, date nights, the list can go on and on. In order to win you must create a space where you can focus on accomplishing your goals. Whether at home, the library, coffee-house, the park, wherever you need to go to have a space to concentrate you need to make getting there a priority. Once you find the space dedicate time to working in that space on your goal. This is where preparation plays a major role. If you are prepared with the steps you want to complete in the time-frame allotted you are paving the way to achieve that goal.
  5. Connect with like-minded people. One of the things that stumps us in the winning process is getting stuck. So many ideas, maybe no ideas, we tend to get stuck and stay there because we can’t figure a way out. Having people who are going through goal achieving processes as well will help you. They have been where you are and may be there now, encourage each other to keep going, take breaks and enjoy life with each other. You need to find your tribe, people you can call on in those moments you want to give up. This group may be different from the friends you have had for years, the purpose of this tribe is to keep you focused on accomplishing your goals. (Guess what? It’s okay to have multiple tribes)
  6. Start & then start again! The first step in winning is getting started. You have the vision, you have the plan, now let’s do something with it. Most have no problem getting started, it’s when life happens and we get thrown a curve ball that derails our plans we STOP! Guess what winning requires you to know you may have to restart the plan at some point. You are not a failure if you have to restart, you only fail when you quit. How many times you restart is based on you. I will say this if you are restarting in the same area each time re-evaluate your plan and see where you need to implement change.

Hotties we can be winners all year-long as long as we determine we want to win. It’s up to you, you have the power, now use that power to start WINNING today!

How do you document your goals? What advice would you give to someone who’s stuck? Let’s help each other keep winning!

parenting

My 5 Favorite Blogs/Social Media/Podcast! (My best friends in my head!)

createherstock-2018-Boss-Lady-Neosha-Gardner-11Let me start off by saying it was a difficult task putting this list together. There are so many wonderful HOT MAMAS out there doing their thing, these are just a few I feel have helped me in wanting to grow my brand, get my edges and my life together. I hope you go and support them, engage with them, and show love!

If you don’t know who Halani Lobdell is then your waist can’t be snatched or at least not snatched with the flame she can give you. Halani is @Mrs2Weeksout, GO OVER TO INSTAGRAM and be inspired! Initially I followed her because I was interested in the RI28 Days Challenge. I joined and let me tell you, it was not easy, 28 days of discipline, focus, and prayer that my body would transform. I’m happy to say it was all worth it and my weight loss journey was again going in a positive direction. I mean look at her, that body is a HOT MAMA dream, but that’s not the reason I continued to follow her. Halani has an inviting spirit, I didn’t focus so much on looking like her as I used her example of pushing my workouts, enjoying my family and loving one a man (HER HUSBAND IS FINE), to grow me as a person. Her confidence, her glow, her love for those around her attracts you to her. I wanted to know her and you should to. Thank you Halani for being an encourager!

#BWAFGU if you don’t know this hashtag by now, get into it. The dope queen behind this is Stevona Elem-Rogers! I had the pleasure of meeting her in person at a self-care retreat in NOLA! She is my spirit animal. When I think of the revolution not being televised I know it’s because Stevona has put pen to paper and we need to READ those word and FEEL it! She has a magical way of drawing you in and giving you the tools to be your own revolutionary. When I think back on her conversation with this group of women I shared a space with I remember this, I AM A BLACK WOMAN AND I AM NOTHING TO PLAY WITH! I was empowered by every word that dripped from her lips, she snatched wigs fixed it and put it back on so that your crown is a natural hot mama delight! Since this time I can honestly say I have lived unapologetically, remembering I am a black woman, I am grown, and I am a force to be reckoned with. Stevona you inspire so many with your words and actions, thank you for living out loud that we may not apologize for who we are, but instead embrace it and wear it like the jewelry our ancestors intended us to be robed in!

If you don’t know you will know now…I LOVE THERAPY! I believe everyone should have a 6 month therapy check-up if you don’t already have regular sessions scheduled. There’s something about getting the point of view from someone outside your circle that allows you to grow. When I can’t get my therapy I tune into “Therapy For Black Girls” hosted by Dr. Joy Harden Bradford. Now as Dr. Joy would tell you this is no substitution for a session with a licensed therapist, and she provides a way for you to find one. I love this podcast because it’s an inviting space for me to get well and have it formed for how black women think and understand others. You may think “how different is the way a black woman thinks?” If you asked that you will never understand our complexity and therefore let us have our therapy moments. Dr. Joy covers all aspects of our lives and it’s beyond encouraging to know we are not alone in the issues we deal with on a regular basis. For a long time I thought these thoughts are not normal and therapy isn’t for me. But I know now I should not be ashamed for loving my therapist and the time we spend together. Dr. Joy thank you for being a true comfort for allowing a space where black women can seek out the help they need to live empowered lives with our family and friends.

Grab your edge control you’re going to need it ANYTIME you encounter Sarah Jakes Roberts. I have to mentally prepare myself whenever I listen to the podcast Woman Evolve. I know that Sarah is going to bring that fire, that flavor, that heat!!! All that sauce and so much more. Sarah will bring you to the feet of Jesus and continuously remind you why you enjoy being there. Her love of God and her fellow woman is so powerful. She reminds you of who God created you to be and why you need to be uniquely you! I’m reminded that this world is not the final destination but simply a means to an end that is glorious, but that along this journey it won’t be easy, but that’s okay. We all need that friend that will keep it all the way real with you and doing so in love. Sarah your wildness has allowed me to unleash my own beast, to know that God loves me for me and that the more authentic I am the more people will see God in me. Imagine that God being seen in you! AWESOMELY AMAZING!

Are you looking for that person who will CHECK YOU?! The “normal” down to earth person that pops flavor and drips sauce?! Look no futher…Mattie James has come to give you all of that and so much more. I found Mattie James while making my re-branding plan. I was looking for specific women who were doing what I wanted to do, to get to know them and how they became successful. In this blogger game information is key and sometimes people are not willing to share their information. That is not the case with Mattie! She is encouraging, inviting, really real, she has those AHA moments that make you think as well. AND she shares information! She wants you to grow! Mattie is nurturing souls not only with her business savvy but with doing it God’s way. She realizes He is the Plug, He is the business model. It’s truly a blessing to know that there are other women who are not ashamed of their faith or feel their faith will hold back their business. God has the plan and desires for you to have it too. Who would have thought?! Mattie Did!

These women have given me so much to think about, they’ve planted a seed within me to not give up, to remember who I am in God and to not be ashamed. We all need those friends! So go on over and get what you need, I promise you won’t be disappointed. What are some dope peeps you follow that help you live your best life? Drop them in the comments.
formation photo 1