parenting

Tune in!!

Here are a few of my favorite guest and podcast episodes from the last year. I appreciate all my guest giving me the opportunity to share their story. Tune in! Click the links!

No Longer Powerless Featuring Sharone ThomasNo Longer Powerless Promo

Policing Our Communities Featuring Jamaal Ansaripolicing our communities

#BOSSMOM Featuring Sherita Carthonbossmom

Dating After Divorce Featuring Clotea Mackdating after divorce

Donnie Lynee Artist SpotlightDonnie Lynee Promo

parenting

“The Talk”

As my son sits on the couch I’m not sure what to say. There are so many things I need to tell him. I need him to understand that this talk we are about to have is one that will save his life. I need him to know that he needs to take me seriously, he needs to absorb this information like a sponge and carry it with him every where he goes. I’m about to have “The Talk!” with my son.

As parents we will have plenty of talks with our children. There is a talk for just about everything they go through, as their parent we have to become the expert to introduce them to the information they need. This past week Black-ish and Grey’s Anatomy brought to light “The Talk” African-American parents have had to give there children since birth. “The Talk” brings to light how African American young men are viewed by society/police and as of late we’ve had to begin giving this same conversation to our daughters. It’s a sad but true fact police brutality is alive and well in our community. “The Talk” is real in our homes, it’s not something we joke about, it’s not something that we are being dramatic about, the fact is just like parents in other cultures we want our kids to go out into the world and be the best them they can be and we want them to come back home and tell of their adventures and how they plan to conquer the world and achieve their goals. All too often though African American children/adults are not making it home to tell these stories. Between street violence and police brutality we are losing more of us with each passing day.

Now some will say that we kill each other everyday, this would not be a lie. Street violence has and still is running rampant in our communities. Due to poverty, lack of parental supervision, generational gaps, our communities have been plagued by violence. We give this talk to our children as well. The difference between street violence and police brutality is that the police take an oath to protect and serve, that oath of protecting and serving does not say I have be a specific ethnicity, it’s suppose to cover us all. BUT IT DOES NOT! Lack of training, racism, lack of African Americans taking the police exam, contribute to our children not making it home to tell their stories. It’s disheartening that this is still a talk I have to give and unless things change drastically I will have to give this talk to my youngest daughter as well.

My talk- 1. Listen to each of their commands and follow them, 2. Answer questions that are asked about your biographical information, questions beyond that ask them to call your parent. DO NOT TALK TO THEM WITHOUT ME, 3. If you need to move tell them what you are doing with each motion, let them know what you are about to touch and why, 4. DO NOT SPEAK WITH ANGER, 5. In the silence of your mind say a prayer and ask God to help you make it home safely.

This may seem like common sense, but just imagine as a child having someone point a gun at you, asking you questions, accusing you, maybe even threatening you, would you know what to do? I’m not looking for sympathy, I’m looking for people to wake up and realize that we are not equal and until we address these issues in our communities we will never be equal. My hope is to spark conversation about how we can change so that this talk becomes unnecessary. Until then leave in the comments how you have handled talks in your family.

(Grey’s Anatomy- S14 E10 Personal Jesus, Black-ish- S4E12 Bow Knows)

parenting

It’s My BLOGIVESARY!!!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!  My baby turns 2 today and I am in shock.  Who would’ve thought 2 years ago when I sat down to write my first post, create a site, develop what Just One Hot Mom was going to be that, that seed would produce such AWESOME fruit.  She yeah, she, has produced a YouTube channel and podcast on http://www.elevationsradio.com.  She has allowed me to be transparent, to express my wins and losses.  I fell head over heels in love with writing all over again because of this blog.  I’m beyond blessed to be the person that gave birth to her.

I am thankful for each and every reader, for every listener, for every one that watches the videos.  I am thankful that you all take time out of your day to listen, view, comment or think about this HOT MAMA right here.  Thank you to my family, my village for all the love and support.  You all are one of the driving forces behind me, propelling me into excellence.  You help me exude confidence and I am thankful to you all.  To my children and my partner in crime, you all put up with the emotional imbalance that is Nanekia.  You see me at my best and often at my worst.  You love me out of my frustration.  I love and adore you all for that, this is for you, for our future. I am THANKFUL for you all.

I am blessed beyond measure and none of this would be possible had I not stepped out on faith, made the decision to be transparent and allow people to see the exposed me. For that FATHER GOD I thank you.  We talk on the regular, I am unconventional, unpredictable, imperfect, confusion, a bundle of sin, yet YOU said I’m going to use you Nik, I’m going to let people see ME in you.  I swear, I fail, I question, yet I am USABLE!  Do you know how hard that is to accept?! But I accept it!

So, I’ll close this with what I say every time I’m asked how I’m going to do this, how am I going to compete….Whatever God has in store for me is meant for me, whatever God has in store for you is meant for you, What is meant for me won’t feel or fit you right and vice versus.  Yours is out their waiting for you, I’m going for mine. GO GET YOURS!

parenting

I Quit!

How often do we tell our kids to never give up to not quit.  I thought long and hard before I decided to quit, I had to make sure I was quitting for all the right reasons.  See I’ve been needing to quit for the longest time.  But there’s always something there telling me not to give up.  Well today I quit and if you are smart you’ll quit right along with me.

See there does come a point in your life where you do need to quit.  Quit complaining, if you are not going to take the necessary action to change the complaint , just quit.  Quit saying you’re going to live your best life, yet you never do, what’s stopping you, YOU!!!  Quit making excuses for people who are not asking you to excuse them.  MASK OFF! Some people we want to change will never change they are happy and content, you are the one living in misery, just quit.  Quit procrastinating!  What the hell are you waiting for?! Write that book, go back to school, sell those cakes, travel.  Why are you waiting, what happens if you decide to go ahead and make that move? You’re time is now!  Quit waiting for people to accept you.  Let me tell you the moment you walk in your truth and truly be who you are destined to be, THE GAME WILL CHANGE FOR YOU!  You be the first person to accept you.  I’m quitting! Quitting is not always a bad thing, sometimes you have to quit that thing to get what is really meant for you.  But because we refuse to quit, we get stuck.  You know what I’m talking, stuck on stupid and paused on dumb.

So what do you do when you don’t know how to quit?! I have not a clue, but what I do know that since quitting a few things mentioned above and going cold turkey, I feel free.  I feel free to embrace what is really meant for me.  See each of us has a role to play, that role is only meant for us and no one else can play it.  We are also responsible for figuring that role out and making sure our character does that role justice.  The moment you choose you, secure you, then you can be free to help others.  It all starts with you

My challenge QUIT!  There is something greater in store for you once you quit negativity and decide to embrace the positive.  It won’t be easy, but we as a community are here to support.  Drop what you are quitting in the comments. Quit!

Uncategorized

Dear Jamiel

Dear Jamiel,

I am not afraid of you! So you just got out the car and I just gave you “the talk”, a talk I knew from the time I found out I was pregnant with you, I would one day have to give.  The talk about you being a young black male in America.  As we talk I am filled with so much emotion, but you, you are calm, you are reassuring me, your mom, that you will be okay.  Although I know you are trying to make me feel better I know after your next words, you don’t feel okay.  “Mom, I know you love me and care for me, but this world doesn’t, I know this!”  I heard you say those words and my heart just broke.  As always we prayed together, I gave you a hug and watched as walked away, not knowing what would unfold for you throughout the day.  I started to pull off and realized I was crying, not just tears slowly streaming down my face, but full out didn’t even realize I’d made a noise crying.  My son, your feeling of hopelessness is a lot for me to bear.  What can I do, what can I say to let you know that you matter?!

Jamiel, you matter, you matter to me. You are an amazing young man, full of life and love.  Everyone that comes in contact with you has told me that after being in your presence they feel amazing, that you wear your character and they can tell that’s who you truly are as a person.  You are caring, kind, loving, intelligent, a gentlemen, and boy when you put your mind to something I’ve seen you accomplish it.  With all that why would anyone want to stop you from being who you are?  Why can’t people see that gifted, multi-talented person you are?  Why, Why, Why? I keep asking myself these questions and baby boy I have no answers for you, I don’t understand why.  That right there is like a knife in my heart not being able to answer this question for one of my truest loves.  And son, you are one of my truest loves.

Jamiel, I am not afraid of you, but son, there are people out here who are. Those people don’t see you the way I do, and even if they get a glimpse of all your goodness, their own fear won’t allow them to embrace you.  There are grown men who have told you to trust them, that if you need help to call on them, these same men are envious of who you are yet to become.  The future you makes them very nervous.  We laugh and joke about you becoming the next Top Chef or the next big dance star, but son someone out there is afraid that you will accomplish those goals and it means less for them.  You asked “how can a grown man be jealous of me?”  Because son, you are the unknown, the X factor, people are afraid of what they don’t know or understand.  Jamiel, you at 12 years old, 5’3”, about 110 pounds are scary to some grown men, but not to me, not to your sisters, not to your family.  We are not afraid of you, but the fear of the target these individuals have placed on your head is real for us and thus I’m holding you a little tighter, Symone is nicer, and Anissa needs more suga from you.  WE LOVE YOU, YOU MATTER TO US!

As I get your text of love and Mom, I’m alright, I still have no answers to give to you. I know that today you are just trying to be the 12 year old young man enjoying camp, enjoying life.  While we’ve talked about what’s going on in the world, your world consist of football, swimming, making root beer floats, having a tea party with Anissa, or creating dance videos with Symone.  My promise to you son is that I will fight, all my armor is on for you, for you to be able to live your truth, for you to be able to enjoy your childhood, for you to continue to grow into the awesome man I know you will become.  I have faith your story has already been written and it’s one that the world must prepare itself for.  Fearful or not.