Hey Hotties! this month I am letting a few of the kids I mentor take the reigns on the blog. I asked them for things that wanted to discuss and they came through with some stuff I am sure will get parents thinking. To protect their privacy they are writing anonymously. Hoping these topics will spark conversation or not in the case of this topic in your home.
Black Women’s Expectation Guide 101
Being a black woman has never been easy, I mean being black period has never been easy. As a young black woman I always feel like I am expected to be a certain way, do certain things and say certain things because of the color of my skin and my gender. Am I the only one who feels this way? Like you’re born with a burden as a black woman? Well sorry dear but unfortunately you are born with a burden and there are things expected of you as a black woman and I am here to tell you those expectations.
The Angry Black Woman
We are all human, and we sometimes get a little mad, even angry. So why is it when a black woman is passionate about something we are automatically angry? What about the color of my skin and other women like me screams angry to you? I can’t seem to think of anything because quite frankly it sounds ridiculous. As black women we are expected to be angry all the time. This, of course, is a stereotype every black woman does not walk around angry at the world 24/7. Just because a black woman voices an opinion about something does not mean she is angry or perpetuating that angry black woman stereotype. Racism is one of America’s greatest schemes to ever be constructed and because of racism and its many branches we have stereotypes like this that start and keep affecting every black woman generation after generation and someone has got to break this curse because if we let those stereotypes become apart of us and not say something about it, it will start to stain and eventually rust and it’s very hard to get rid of 400 years worth of rust.
Which race or ethnicity do you prefer? See me I don’t discriminate, no skin tone is better or worse than the other. But why is it that when I’m around my female friends or even some females in my family we always talk about dating a black man? I mean there is nothing wrong with that because I love my black men but why is it that as black women we constantly get crucified for crossing the racial lines outside of ourselves? As black women I think it’s expected of us to date just black men. Hell no! Just because I am a black woman does not mean I automatically need to be with a black man. Now don’t get me wrong like I said before, I love my black men but our own people need to understand that it is okay to dip into different flavors if you want to. Who said it was forbidden to date outside your race? This is not the 18th and 19th century anymore. We have been told for too long by society, and at one point in time white people, that crossing racial lines is illegal and disgusting. Our own people have been killed for even looking at a white person wrong and it’s sick that as black people some of us still have this stigma. Love who you want despite the comments from others and their blatant ignorance. I mean if you can have a black man who can date white, asian or latina women and get praised for it then why can’t we do the same as black women? Is it because we are supposed to “hold our black men down”? Another stigma amongst black people as a whole. These double standards need to stop.
Being A Product of the Hood
I grew up in the hood okay? And I still live in the hood and I’ve witnessed and experienced things most children shouldn’t like shot outs and family members selling and using drugs. Friends I once had dying from senseless gun violence before the age of 18 and the rest of them going to jail while we were in middle school. Just because I was brought up in this environment does not mean that I have to become the things around me that I see or go through. Black people need to know that just because you live in the hood does not mean you have to become the hood. We are too intelligent to subject ourselves to stereotypical behaviors because that is already expected of us simply because of the color of our skin and for my black women just because you live in the hood too does not mean you have to be with a man who runs the streets that’s not cute and it’s played out honestly. Don’t lower your standards because your environment makes you feel like that’s all you deserve is a drug dealer and some food stamps, no. You’re a queen, carry yourself as one.
As a black woman I suffer from anxiety and that can trigger my depression, just because my ancestors were strong women who paved the way for me does not mean I automatically have the strength of 1,000 men. Back then black women had to be strong because we could not fall at the knees of those who had power over us. Yes there is Rosa Parks, Ida B. Wells, Coretta Scott King, Sojourner Truth , Harriet Tubman, Katherine Johnson, I can go on and on of all the strong black women but I am not them and I’m sure even they had days when they were depressed, wanted to give up and wanted to quit. Of course our black history shows our resilience yes that is true but even so I am allowed to break down once in a while it’s normal! Your melanin does not determine your strength, your character does.
Another stereotype. Another racially driven stereotype. In times of Jim Crow and enslavement black people, especially black women, were seen as “lazy” and “good for nothing”. ‘Sambo’ and ‘Uncle Tom’ both nicknames for a lazy, loud, ghetto black person who bowed down at the feet of our oppressors. Of course black women are expected to be lazy because all we do is sit on our asses, pop out babies every year and a half and get food and benefits from the government right?!? Wrong! That is not all that we are good for, now sadly some black women fall into that stereotype but not all of us are like this. I refuse to be that type of statistic especially in this country or any country for that matter but especially in America I refuse to be labeled as such. Anybody can be lazy. Since when has skin color determined someone’s motivation to get up and do something? That’s ridiculous. Ignorance is taught not bred and this has been taught for centuries and you still hear about it today in 2020! The system is corrupt and is built for us to fail so we can look lazy especially when it comes to black women being in the workforce. Just because a black woman lives in the projects does not mean she is lazy and just sits on food stamp money and W.I.C. benefits. That same black woman could be working two or three jobs and going to school just to feed her kids because the government will not give her any benefits because she “makes too much money”. Like I said before and I will say it again, ignorance is taught not bred.
Black women have lots of expectations and as a black woman myself I’m not here for any of them. All of these expectations of black women yet no support when we suffer, sometimes not even from other black women and it’s sad. The stigmas of expectations of black women need to stop. We are in 2020 not 1847! It should not be this hard to simply be a black woman or any woman of color but sadly we all live in a country whose goal was, and still is, to demean and degrade African people; strip away our traditions, ancestry, culture, names and replace that with racism, rape, slaughter, sexism and systematic racism. We have to do better as a people and as a country or it will only get worse.
“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, and how you can still come out of it.”
Strong Black Woman