black women, parenting, self care

Know Nik November: God Is Laughing At Me!

That’s how the saying goes, you make plans and God laughs! I can honestly say I get this and I’ve started laughing with Him. We all do it, we picture our lives when we are kids. I’m going to get married, have this many kids (I wanted 5 girls), a huge brick house, I was going to be a doctor, and my husband, well honestly never really imagined that part which explains a lot. As I got older I modified the plan to fit me at that time, until one day after three kids, a divorce, dropping out of medical school, and re-starting my writing career multiple times, I laugh often.

There are times when I think I have completely lost it because I should be crying. Moments where I face myself and I don’t know what to do, when I’m backed in a corner, when I’m the person soley responsible for making decisions that can change someone else’s future, a very scary thought. In the past when I would have cried, I just look to the heavens and say “Let’s just go ahead and do this Your way!” I’m learning that I am a hard headed child who tends to lean towards taking the hard road. Let’s just say I understand the “Prodigal Son.” I have strayed from the path I know I should take many times and every time I’ve been welcomed back with open arms and a thump on my head. I can’t help but laugh at myself, how many times have I told my kids to do something the way mom told you the first time, yet I myself don’t listen.

This journey has not always been easy, I’ve had moments where I thought life would swallow me alive. When I look back over those moments I smile and have a little chuckle, knowing it’s nothing but grace that has gotten me through. What moments have taken place in your life that you know it was nothing but grace that kept you? Are you able to laugh at yourself?