How many times have you found yourself wanting something, but in order to get it you have to ask someone for it? Has that ever stopped you? I have needed help on multiple occasions and because of my fear of rejection I haven’t asked for it or my fear of something being out of my control I just do it myself. It’s exhausting trying to play this role when deep down inside all I want is for someone to reach out to me and offer help. When they do you know what I do? I reject it! I know weird, I also know that I am not alone in this. We as women have a tendency to think that multi-tasking is an Olympic sport and if we can’t do it, we are failures. I have task list on top of task list and frankly I AM SICK OF IT! I want to be able to ask for help and actually take it. So how am I going to do this? Check out my list (LOL) below.
- Determine what you really need help with. When you are vague with your request people don’t want to be bothered. If you haven’t figured out what you need help with, then why do you need help?! This task can seem a bit overwhelming because let’s face it you may need help with everything. I would break this down into what is urgent and requires attention that doesn’t necessarily have to come from you directly.
- Ask the right person for help! We often assume that because we help others that we should be able to ask the same in return. This is not always the case. Utilize people who are actually going to help you, no matter if you have helped them before or not. Just like reviewing resumes, you want to pick the best person for the job and sometimes that’s not your sister, just because you babysit for her every Saturday and you would hope she would want to help you. If you know what you want to ask and you know of a person who has experience or is willing to help, they are your resource.
- Let go! Control can play a major role in you not getting the help you need. If you ask for help and the person is willing and you give them direction, THAT’S IT! Let them do it. They may not do it like you, but at the end of the day is the task accomplished, is it what you desired? If you can’t let go you may never get help. Is that what you really want?
- Accept the help! You asked, they said yes, but now you are second guessing yourself. Think about this…can you use the help, do you need the help? The first few times you accept help it will feel strange, you are going to what to check-in a million times, you’re going to think about what they are doing constantly. Guess what? It’s going to be okay! Even if something doesn’t completely work out, it’s still going to be okay. Trust the process and trust that you’ll find those in your tribe that are going to successfully be able to help.
To hear more tune into Episode 1 of the Just One Hot Mom, Maternal Self-Care podcast! Don’t forget to subscribe.
7 thoughts on “Why not just ask?!”
Closed mouths don’t get fed. Sometimes as Black women we feel like asking for help is admitting defeat or weakness. But these tips are really helpful in order for one to get out of their own way.
Giving and receiving are both blessings, but too many of us don’t know how to ask for or receive help. In the same way, we want to be a blessing to others, other people want to be a blessing to us. Learning to receive is something I’m still working on