I honestly hate that this is a conversation we have to keep having but it’s a very necessary one. I’m talking about the conversation around Mom Shaming! It’s a tough enough job nurturing and guiding these people we’ve been given, but to have someone take a hammer and shatter your confidence in this area it’s a bit much. We all know we don’t have it all together, yet each day we at least attempt to put on this brave face and join society. The last thing you need when trying to hold it together is someone giving you the look. We all know the look, when someone tilts their head up in the air slightly to look down upon you, mom’s also have that stare, but it’s an ancient secret I can’t reveal here. Why do we, people think it’s okay to make someone feel bad about their parenting, just because they may not do it the way we do it doesn’t make it wrong. Can’t we all learn from each other.
So here’s the story Anissa loves to where these kitten heel boots she found. She puts them on with her favorite dress and I watch as she transforms into this character that is a singer, actress, mom, superhero, teacher and doctor. I can see her become empowered and it makes me feel good. The other day she wears this magnificent outfit with me as I grocery shop. Everyone is admiring her little boots with the heels. She in turn clacks them together and gallops away so they can see and hear them. She loves to put on a show. As I giggle, I hear a whisper, “She think she’s grown,” I look around to see who thinks they’re grown, because I’m obviously grown and so is the other lady in the aisle and then there’s just Anissa so who is she talking to?! I ignore and keep reading the package and Anissa keeps clacking. I then hear, “Who would let their little girl wear heels?” So now I know she’s talking to me because unless a ghost was going to reveal himself to us both we were the only ones in the aisle. I politely inquire about her comment with an excuse me. ” I was just wondering where you got those little heels? They are cute, how is she walking in them?” My reply, better than some grown women I know!
As Anissa and I walk out of the aisle I could feel her staring and shaking her head. If I wasn’t confident in who I am as a mom I would have questioned myself and probably took away Anissa’s shoes because of course if this one lady is thinking it someone else must have thought it too. I know that shoes don’t cause Anissa to grow up any quicker, I also know that she likes the shoes because of the sound they make when she walks. So why was this lady so concerned?! She wasn’t, she didn’t care about Anissa’s welfare she just wanted to judge me based on what she thought she knew. What did she know? Absolutely nothing!
This was just a small incident for me there have been countless others where people assume their opinions matter just because parenting styles don’t match. The beauty of our world is that we are all different, which means the people we raise will be a little bit of us and a whole lot of different. What gives any of us the right to stop that progression? So my advice to the shamers…STOP IT!
Have you ever felt like someone was trying to shame you? How did you handle it?
15 thoughts on “It’s A Shame!”
You’re right. This is a shame. A shame because no matter hat your opinion of what someone does with their children it’s just that – an opinion – it isn’t fact or even a determination of right or wrong. We all need to begin to understand that what we think doesn’t matter to all.