Being Nanekia…Transparent Moment!

just let me be greatSo let me be all the way honest with you for a moment…February may be the shortest month of the year but I find it to be the most exhausting. It’s like BOOM, I didn’t complete any of my goals in January and now here comes February rearing it’s ugly head to remind me that I should have more accomplished by now. Do you ever feel this way, like you should have more accomplished? I had it all mapped out for January and how I was going to take this year by storm. Then life happened and none of the things I planned came to pass. I was disappointed, how could a whole month just go by and I not be feeling on top of the world. Damn you February how did you get here so fast?!

I know I’m not the only person who has felt this way. But at the time when I’m going through it I want to be selfish and bratty, I want to live in this funk of why me. I want to drown my sorrows in all the foods I love, but I can’t cause in January I told myself I wouldn’t. Why did I do that?! I feel as though life is passing me by and each goal I set I am further and further away from reaching. I’m not sad about it, I’m more pissed off. Why can’t I just pull it together, live this fabulous life and have all these adoring fans. Why can’t February just let me be great damnit.

Reflective Moment: I had to step away from the keyboard for a few seconds, because in the above confession I realized I was getting more frustrated. Not with other people or even February but with myself. It’s my own expectations that have me feeling disappointed, searching for comfort foods and wanting to punch a wall. It’s my own frustrations that prevent me from making the next move, from allowing myself to be vulnerable. It’s ME! February has done nothing wrong. Don’t you hate when you have to grow up and admit that you may be the cause of your own frustrations/problems. UGH, growing pains!

So what can I do…I know I have the answers but it requires me to get on my own damn nerves. I look in the mirror and tell myself the truth. Then I begin to speak LIFE back into my spirit. I remind myself there are more months to come, that there is more living to do, that there are more goals to reach. That I’m the only person that can stop and start me, that these expectations are mine and mine alone and I am the one who can adjust them. I then pop my hair, put on my red lipstick and my 6 inch stilettos and get to work! Simple right? Wrong, I pout for at least 2 more hours, then I got ready.

Are you getting in your own way? Whats’ stopping you from achieving your goals?

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