It’s a new dawn, a new day, and I’m feeling good. Probably got that song lyric all wrong, but you get it, it’s time for new beginnings. I’m excited to see what this year has in store for me and my family and for all of you. The holiday season was crazy but we made it through. I’ve had at least one major change that has flipped my house upside down…My oldest, you know, Symone, the one who says Mommy, I’m Grown!, yeah her, SHE MOVED OUT!! Can you believe that after 24 hours of labor, after feeding, clothing, and sheltering her for over 18 years, this young lady moved out? I am not mad at her!!!!
First let me say this, I truly thought my emotions were going to be all over the place, the day one of my children decided it was time to fly the coop. I’d prepared a speech in my mind of what I wanted to say, how I would act (I wanted to have Kleenex hidden in my sleeve for the billions of tears to drop), and I wanted someone to capture a picture of me standing in the driveway, waving as they pulled off. None of that happened. I swear my children really don’t get how dramatic I am. There were no tears, no picture, and no speeches.
There were signs for a few weeks that she was preparing to leave. I’m not completely clueless so I could tell something was on her mind. She came in my room looking sad with her siblings. They just sat there hugging each other, for most moms this would be a moment to capture in a photo, all your children getting along, for me, I knew they were plotting on me. “Mom, I’m leaving!” I didn’t want to make it easy so I asked when she would be back?! (I’m a stinker) “No, Mom, I’ve decided I need to move out, I need my own space, I need to be an adult.” She was making this adult decision, yet looked like my little girl with the tears streaming down her face. I let her have a moment, but in my head I was like should I be crying too?! I wasn’t crying, I was smiling on the inside. Don’t mom shame me! There was a sense of fear, then peace that she felt I’d given her the tools she needed to make it on her own. We hugged, we prayed, and just like that my first-born began to pack her room up and she was gone. Okay not that fast but sort of.
Do I miss her? Yes! Am I glad she decided to move out? Yes! For me personally I feel like each of us has to choose a time, when we are ready, to explore the life we want for ourselves. Most moms I’ve told the story to are terrified, they are not looking forward to this day, I thought I wouldn’t be able to handle it either. Turns out, I’m tougher than I thought. So, as she explores the life she wants for herself, I’m keeping a watchful eye from afar, guiding whenever asked, and allowing her to be who she wants to be. I’ll never not be her mom and I’ll always be raising her, but I can’t be her for her.
What transitions have happened in your life since the year started? Are you excited or nervous? I’m going with the flow embracing each moment.
Check out my previous post: Being Nanekia…Praying for the Enemy