So a few weeks back I talked about being guilty of mom shaming, GUILTY! We as moms can feel guilty about a lot of things, no sense in having another mom make us feel guilty about those things as well. As I thought about the times I’ve felt guilty or made someone else feel guilty, I was called upon by another mom asking me for assistance. This set me up to experience another form of guilt and one I am sure is shared by others, the guilt of helping.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I am a Single Mom Here, Hear me ROAR, so I am always down to help another mom out, single or not. I get it we all need assistance and who better to assist than another mom you trust. We live in a society which constantly has a stressing over who we can and cannot trust to assist us with our children, we are all busy, and it truly takes a village to raise a child. The village has become a vital part in child rearing these days. If you unfortunately don’t have a village, then it’s time for you to broaden your horizons or re-connect with family. Despite us Super Moms always being able to do it on our own, it is a proven fact that at some point we all need assistance, therefore you need to form a village (look for tips on how to secure your village coming soon). The village is the foundation you need to get assistance when and if you need it. I am a part of multiple villages and thus understand the importance of being available when needed and having access to the help when I need it. Remember it is okay to ask for help, but let me go on to the guilty part.
The issue I am having is when one person in the village takes advantage of the village. I knew a mom who needed a sitter often, like every night because her shift changed at work, she called, and I was available that night, boom I can assist. The next night, there was supposed to be a sitter in place but something happened, it was an emergency, again, not a problem I was available so I assisted. A day later (I can’t make this up), I received a call, didn’t recognize the number and I’m never afraid to answer a call so I did, this time it was someone else contacting me on behalf of the person asking me if I could get the children. Note: If you are asking someone for a favor, at least have the courtesy to ask them yourselves. Me, not wanting to leave someone stranded agreed to help once again. This went on for about a month, random calls for assistance. Finally I had, had enough, I needed a moment. My children were with their grandparents, I was home alone for the first time in months. My plan was to take a nap, read, dance in my undies, drink some wine, and take another nap, whatever, it did not involve children, mine were not even at home. My phone rings, I recognized the number so I answered. Yet another emergency, nobody else was available and since the person had asked what I was doing at the start of the conversation, she knew that my agenda was open. My answer…NO! Then came the guilt, how could I not help her, I wasn’t busy, she was in a bind, what type of person doesn’t help someone in need?! I felt so bad. She was right, I knew her issues and that she needed help. Then reality slapped me in the face! I needed help too. I needed this moment to self-care, to relax, to breathe, before my own motherly duties came into play again. Still she could not understand my rejection. I stood my ground and was able to enjoy myself and get some much needed rest.
Moms we must remember that not only do we need rest, but the people who help us need rest too. Our needs are just that, OUR NEEDS. Be grateful when others step in to assist and be mindful of the things they may have going on. I have a full plate, but will make room when I can to help others, but if my plate is about to spill over, I have to adjust which mean I may not be able fit you in. Don’t take it as rejection and don’t make the other person feel guilty.