So, I was going to write this great blog post about how I spring clean and how I went through each room of my house and purged and it felt great. Yea, that’s how the post started and if you need tips on spring cleaning check the Hot Tips portion. This, my dears will be about a different type of spring cleaning, one that will hopefully refresh and renew your mind and heart.
Over the past few months I’ve noticed changes in the relationships I have with family, friends, kids and my significant other. The more I began to try to engage I was faced with some resistance and some hurt. So what did I do, retreated to my cocoon. In my cocoon I felt safe from having to deal with the everyday struggles of trying to be the perfect mom for everyone to see but struggling and not wanting to allow that struggle to be revealed. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was wrong but something felt off and I was refusing to come out of my cocoon until I discovered what “IT” was. Well, as you know I’m a mom and there is no time for hiding so I needed to act fast. I needed to come out of my cocoon and spring clean some of these relationships in my life. OH Joy!
First I looked at the relationship with my children. My kids are great, they are great people, they love me and I know this. With all that being said they are still growing and there are still opportunities for me to strengthen our relationships. So, I began each day like I always do telling them I love them, but doing it with a smile on my face and cheer in my voice. We often say I love you out of obligation and in our tone people, even our children, know we are saying it because we are supposed to, but if you put a loving tone behind it, a smile, a hug I believe it takes on a whole new meaning. I always want my kids to feel and experience my love, not to just hear me say it, but witness it. In the month since I started this cleaning with how I love them I’ve noticed we talk more, we hang out more, and we don’t feel like it’s out of obligation but it’s a choice we are making in how we love each other. I feel like we are in a good space and I can’t ask for a neater thing than that.
Where would my cleaning lead to next?! Of course, my boo thang. Every relationship goes through its ups and downs. You are two individuals trying to become one. That requires compromise, forgiving, loving a person flaws and all. I had to take a really long look in the mirror at myself to figure this one out. Was I really being the best partner I can be, was I fully committed to this relationship? The answer was yes, but with my own selfish stipulations. I can’t speak for other divorcees, but I’ve already determined I don’t have no time for no games either get with my program or move. And there it was get with MY program, in no way was I trying to compromise or enrich us as a couple. Now don’t get me wrong I know what I want and I’m not lowering my standards, but for this spring cleaning I needed to discuss what WE want. When you make a conscious decision to share your life with someone, it can’t only be what you want, it has to be a we involved. So we talked, became aware of some issues we have as individuals which could hurt the WE. We are cleaning out our old thoughts, old patterns and setting new expectations and will continue to clean from there.
Knock, knock, who’s there? Family. I love my family. When we get together there is a bond that cannot be broken. However I suck at keeping in contact with them. I do not like talking on the phone, if I can text it to you I will. It’s my nature. In cleaning up this area I had to note that if I wanted my family to make the effort to be there and reach out to me I had to be willing to do that same. What did I do? I visited my Nana. When I walked through the door she began to cry, then I began to cry. I hadn’t seen her in so long and there was no reason for me not to have visited. Right there my nana gave me my spring cleaning to do for family, no matter where I am or where I go my family is my home. There may not be a physical place but don’t ever forget that they are what helped shaped the person I am and from time to time I need to reconnect with them for a fill-up. So if we family see you soon and I hope you cook dinner cause I still don’t cook.
My friends are more than just some ladies I hang out with, they are my sisters and from time to time we fight like sisters. Between being moms, being in relationships, finishing school, starting school, building a business, getting married, or just plain old living life we tend to forget each other. It’s not on purpose it just happens. How do I clean this up? First I realize what role I’ve played in the misunderstanding of our connection and then I really determine if I want to keep a connection at all. Sometimes when you are in transition you have to determine who is in that transition with you and who you will have to leave behind in order to transform. I’m still working on this cleaning so I’ll have to update you later.
Hot Mamas, as important as it is to keep a nice clean home, it’s just as important to tidy up our relationships. Do you need to spring clean your relationships? You can start today!